I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY OWN MOM

Nickie · by **Nickie** on Fri Dec 01, 2006 4:35 pm

Im Soo mad inside I can feel my body getting warm and it just pisses me off .. what exactly is family for ?? I Have always had problems with my mother.. she lives 10 mins away but never calls me. I invite her over but she has more important things to do .. its so bad that my fiances mother does more and is in the kids life more then my own mother and his mom lives out in NOVA SCOTIA!!! I have said many times I wouldnt let it bug me a and move on but DAMN all I want is a decent relationship with my own mother .. and for my kids to know their Grandma is it really that much to ask.. I see myself getting upset over how she treats us as a family .. like I invited her to have christmas dinner with us months ago and now shes decided shes doing it with someone else and to be nice has invited us.. it doesnt change the fact she was gonna come here first. OH well.. I guess im wishing on somthing that will never happen :-(

and yes Im jelouse for all those ppl who have great relationships with their mothers

Trish_T · by **Trish_T** on Fri Dec 01, 2006 5:30 pm

First off, ~HUGS~ Hun, I've not got a good relationship with my mother either nor most of my side of my family. I have just learnt that family is what you are born into and you can choose people in your life that fill that void. No one can replace your parents ever I know that but when the situation is like this there isn't much one can do other than find someone to get as close to. Take care and I hope things go better for you and your family.

oztilson · by **oztilson** on Fri Dec 01, 2006 6:07 pm

my family is the same way

growing up we had 4 family units all within walking dstance of each other and getting them all together twice a year was work. In grocery stores- they will duck around aisles to avoid having to say hello.I seem to be the only person who they will all speak to- of course this maddens my mother..........and you know how it goes
the only thing I know to do is kill them with kindness

I don't know what else to do- I just understand

murf1511 · by **murf1511** on Fri Dec 01, 2006 10:12 pm

I have learned a long time ago to just accept my parents for who they are. A friend just asked me to go out on the weekend and my dh is working and so I had no sitter last minute. She says "you have a mother" and I laughed. My mother is not coming to my house on a Saturday morning to watch my kids! She is a great grandma, from a distance, but while she watches my niece, it is not because she wants to it is out of obligation. She has other things to do and I don't mess with that, I understand and accept it. My father is a no show to every birthday function we hold unless it is his birthday and his house. I accept this. The only thing I can suggest to you is to have it out. State your case, and have the kind of relationship that you would like on your terms. If you invited her and she hummed and hawed and then said no when she got a better deal, tell her it pi$$ed you off. Tell her what you want and that you are hurt. Good luck but try not to stress the holiday time over something that may not change.

HarleyMom · by **HarleyMom** on Sat Dec 02, 2006 1:22 am

I also understand, my dad, the kids grandfather is missing out on so much of their lives. No phone call no nothing nadda. He will visit my sister and brother and their kids. I have accepted this is the way he wants to live and maybe someday he will wish it to be different but he probably won't and it may be too late when he does.
My mom is living upisland. I call her but she is also emotionally wrapped up in my sister's kids that she rarely sees mine. When she is here, she is on the phone to my nieces. I have accepted this too.

phillyphantom · by **phillyphantom** on Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:20 pm

Hey,

My mom and I tolerate each other. I was given many things in life and never really had to work hard or tough things out. She said " people in our position deserve this type of life." Great advice. I cannot trust my mother with our daughter. She would feed her jam for brekkie. However, she loves to shop for our dd and buys many material things...She always comments on her new clothes and hair style.

I envy people who can drop their kids off for 2 days and boogie off to Seattle for the weekend.

No wonder when I say " Let's phone Grandma" my girl says " No"

She has never really done anything to gain her trust.... not fun.

PP

brymommy · by **brymommy** on Sun Dec 03, 2006 11:53 pm

i have had a terrible relationship *at times* with my mother

and other times a *glowing one*

the latter is just who's sucking it up this time

BUT *she* is slowly coming around. She sees that i'm not all "talk" i think she sees the baby and sees me as a mom and woman. She's learnt to listen.

I still have to tell her the same things time after time. and constantly explain things to her. But she's becoming more accepting of what i have to say. and actually i think *getting* it.

But it's taken YEARS! to get to this point and we still have rough spots...

now my MIL..... *sigh* that's another night's post