re: cheated on - I met with his "friend"

[anonymous KIV]

I called his “friend” an asked her for coffee. It took some persuading, but I got her to agree. When we first met I asked her to tell me about her relationship with my husband. Her story completely matched his – almost word for word. She was totally covering for him. You could tell that she cares about him and felt bad for what she’d done. So, I decided to play dirty. I told her it was a good thing for her that she hadn’t slept with him because he’s been carrying on a relationship with me, her, and another woman and brought home an STD. It MUST have been from the other woman. I then told her that when I kicked him out, he moved in with the other woman.

She freaked. She was so mad that he had been with another woman. She knew he was with me first so she couldn’t be angry about that, but felt so cheated by him being with another woman. She was in tears, and spilled her guts. He’s been telling her that he loves her and wants to leave me, but can’t do it because of our daughter. He used to “go to work” all the time, but he wasn’t going to work – he was going to her house. I rarely call him at work – I call him on his call phone or MSN, so he would log on to MSN at her house and hang out OR he would take her to his work and they would hang out there. I can’t believe he had that nerve to have conversations with me from her house!! I HATE HIM!

She told me to call Telus and check my phone logs (home and cell), because he calls her all the time from our house, the car work etc. She says she has pictures of them hanging out at her house. She has emails saying that he loves her, and wants to leave me, and emails talking all about their sex life. She has cards from every holiday since they’ve been together. He even had a “business trip” a couple months ago – turns out they went away for the weekend – and she has pictures to prove it.

She did confirm that they ended it though. He told her that he wants to make our marriage work and needs to be there for our daughter. He even told her that he loves her, but he realized he still loves me too. He told her what he had told me and asked her to stick to that story and she agreed.

To make a long story short, the locksmith is coming by today, and I meet with my lawyer this afternoon. I was honestly thinking he told me the truth. He has always been so honest with me about everything. He seemed so genuine and so devoted. It was like he fell in love with me all over again. I think I still believe that part wasn’t fake. I believe that the thought of losing me made him realize that he wanted to be with me, and that he did fall in love with me again. Guess what – too little too late. He should have thought about that before he had an affair. I don’t care if he would be the best husband in the world from this point on – I will never be able to look at him again without feeling sick to my stomach.

To any men or women out there who have any reason to suspect your partner of cheating – please don’t take their word for it. If they have it in them to cheat, they have it in them to lie about it. Snoop if you have to, but find out the truth.

Thanks for listening.

[teelady]

On the one hand, I am deeply saddened for you, but on the other hand, I am so glad you have found out the real truth and can start to move on in your life from here. I know it will be hard for you, but just know we will all be here for you should you need to "vent" or WHY. Your daughter is so lucky to have a bright, and intelligent mother who cares so much about her!

[Cascadia Counselling Clinic]

OMG I'm so sorry...I'm so blown away...you didn't kick this girls ass
(I know its his fault ) but I still would of kicked her ass...

anyway.. I think your right after something like this it would be hard to trust the person again

I hope everything works out well for you

p.s...I Snoop

[Eva]

I'm so sorry anon, that's really awful! Good luck to you and your family.

[anonymous KIV]

OMG I'm so sorry...I'm so blown away...you didn't kick this girls ass
(I know its his fault ) but I still would of kicked her ass...

I realised that he is not worth fighting for, or fighting over. She bought into his lies just like I did. I think she's kicking her own ass right now, but now that the shock has worn off, I 'd like to run into her again.

Thanks everyone, for the support through this.

[abbeysmama]

I agree with teelady: it is great that you can finally deal with this without the hinderance of misinformation. Now you know, and you are clear about everything. But, good lord, you must feel terrible.
You have guts, anon. Truely. And focus.

I can say with confidnece that we are all behind you on this one and, whatever happens in the future, it is clear that you are a smart woman and will take care of yourself and your child by whatever means nessesary.

Good on you for taking the high road.

Keep us updated, alright?

Take care.

[anonymous KIV]

I am so sorry that you heard what you did not want to hear. But I am glad that you listened and are doing what is best for you. I did the same thing, confronted the "friend" after he had been lying to her while "trying to make things work" with me. She actually said that she did not believe me. I asked her who the liars were in this whole mess!

It is so sad to see something that you tried so hard to make work fall apart. But I guess the key is that YOU tried in the relationship, apparently your husband did not have the same respect for you.

I understand what you are going through, even though it has been a while for me, it is still fresh.

Congratulations on learning to lie so well Wonder where you learned that from?

[Jacqueline]

OH MY!!!
i dont think i have been following your posts- not sure....
but one!!

good job playing dirty... and good job on the std bit...

but more so- i am deeply sorry that this happened. men are wankers!!! wankers i tell you!! i am very proud of you for doing this though.. especially with the locksmith and the lawyer!! you have the strength that so many women need to leave their wanker husbands.!!

if you need anything, any support or a shoulder to cry on let me know and email me..
good job!!
you deserve way better and will be much better in the long run without him

it scares me to think that someone could lie like that.. i am going to be wondering about my dh tonight, as he is often over an hour late from work and unreachable..
take care

[Melanie B]

anon, had hoped for you that this wasn't true, but it is one more example of follow your instincts!
I hope you have a good resolution to this and can get on with your life. I am glad that you have put your daughter and yourself first!
Good luck!

[michele w]

Sounds like you married my pinhead ex!!! I am so sorry you have to go thru this, it sucks, but I am glad you found out and are going to be moving on!!! I have to say I liked how you played it, that was very cool! This other woman is a pinhead as well so they deserve each other, although if it was me I probably would have wanted to smash her face in for doing what she has done to your child! But good on you for not resorting to that, neither are worth it! Take Care and keep us posted or if you want to vent!!

[Ivy-Girl]

Awww, so sorry how it turned out.

Take care and I'll second what everyone else has said...you sound like a strong, intelligent woman. You will get through this! It sounds like you are doing to best thing for you and your child. Just focus on that.

[SamanthaMV]

hugs - I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But wow, you are one strong woman to have had the courage to meet up this woman knowing what might be revealed. And you are even stronger for thinking of yourself and your dd first. Good for you for moving on and moving him out. You are a brave brave strong woman and your dd has a fantastic role model in you.

[Jadine Happynook]

I'm so sorry that all of this is happening to you. Good for you for finding out the truth! I don't think that I would have the courage to do that. Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong caring mother!

[Barbie]

I am so sorry you are going through all this, it is soo tough I know.
{{{{{{}}}}}
Good for you for digging..... and getting the truth out of her.Your dh just lost a wonderful women and his dd... stupid man.
Hang in there and if you need anything let us know... we are here for you anytime.{{{{}}}}

[Shawna C.]

I just wanted to say how much I admire and RESPECT you - good for you for being so strong!

Another thing - I just can't imagine what kind of person could, with any shred of decency in her, carry on a relationship with a married father - it just baffles me...shame on them both ...

Have a wonderful life - I hope once the hurt and betrayal wears off someday that you are able to find a mutually respectful relationship with a man who will be forever loyal to you and you alone..

Take care