What would you think?

tabby · by **tabby** on Wed May 04, 2011 12:38 pm

Before I completely blow up, I want to get the opinion of others about this.

My Dh is a big user of the favorites toolbar on the computer and upon looking at it I've noticed that there are a few new ones. Two are accomodations rates for places on Salt Spring. Now, my DH works every night as a security guard (far as I know) and NEVER goes away anywhere, so I KNOW that he's not planning a family vacation and I definitely know that we can't afford this. So I'm thinking, 'why are they there?'
There's more of a story into why I've been snooping, but I don't want to sway opinions just yet.

jessie_2009 · by **jessie_2009** on Wed May 04, 2011 12:46 pm

I wouldn't think this was a big deal at all. Maybe just curious, looking for future, just browsing...I wouldn't even think twice about it personally.

MRM · by **MRM** on Wed May 04, 2011 1:25 pm

Sounds like the "more" part of the story is what you are concerened about. Like seriously - tagging a page on the favourites tool bar???? Are you kidding me? I don't know you or your husband but that's one sorry Jack A$$ is he is that dumb!

Shannon H. · by **Shannon H.** on Wed May 04, 2011 10:33 pm

Without knowing any of the details, I would say if I saw something like that I would just ask him about it. It could have been one of those "click if you like" buttons on something, a place he heard about and didn't realize the expense, or something else.

oneluckygirl · by **oneluckygirl** on Wed May 04, 2011 10:41 pm

If there is more to the story then I htink you must have in mind waht you think is going on ??? Curious to know the rest.. BUt not knowing the rest, I would say the same as others to just ask him.. do you guys have an anniversary coming up ?? Maybe its a Mothers day surprise??? Just take one tip of advice, when you do ask him just ask,... dont assume anything when you bring it up and dont let him think you have assumed anything bad either, or itll turn into a fight.

wee_opal · by **wee_opal** on Thu May 05, 2011 5:05 am

I would rather a hotel on salt spring than a local one! lol. If you are thinking he is cheating on you then bookmarking the site would be rather dumb, no? If he were cheating, would he go to salt spring?
Does he make furniture? Or are you doing renos? He may be looking at a site for that reason. Maybe someone he went to school with owns the hotel?
Or maybe he is hoping to take YOU there?
I personally would be more worried if Craigslist or Plenty of Fish were bookmarked. Just ask him.

debbiel · by **debbiel** on Thu May 05, 2011 1:07 pm

I am a great believer in female intuition. If your gut is telling you something - I think you should listen to it. I'm assuming you feel he is cheating? He will most likely lie if you ask him about it anyways (at least that is my experience from men). Sorry you are going through this. It sucks to think your partner is decieving you.

mommyranga · by **mommyranga** on Thu May 05, 2011 9:55 pm

tabby wrote:Before I completely blow up, I want to get the opinion of others about this.

My Dh is a big user of the favorites toolbar on the computer and upon looking at it I've noticed that there are a few new ones. Two are accomodations rates for places on Salt Spring. Now, my DH works every night as a security guard (far as I know) and NEVER goes away anywhere, so I KNOW that he's not planning a family vacation and I definitely know that we can't afford this. So I'm thinking, 'why are they there?'
There's more of a story into why I've been snooping, but I don't want to sway opinions just yet.

from personal experience, ALWAYS go with your gut feeling.

tabby · by **tabby** on Tue May 10, 2011 10:54 pm

So I've asked him about the hotel info and of course he replied that he was looking at it for us. Which I bought, for now. But I find myself scrutinizing over so many more things than before and I've never really considered myself to be an overly jealous person. I just can't get rid of this nagging feeling that something is just not right because there are just so many new things that are so out of his usual character.

His job as a graveyard shift security guard is fairly new and he's met some co-workers that he likes, so he finally has friends now and he hasn't EVER before. I wouldn't typically have a problem with this and I didn't at first, but as I mentioned previously, just behaviours out of character. The night before my first post he only worked until 10pm and when he had left for work mentioned that he 'might' go out with them and that was the last I heard of it until he finally came home at 5am and he's never done that before. I tried calling his phone when I realized he wasn't home, but it was off or 'died'. I was very angry and let him know that I felt it is very inappropriate for a married man to be out until daylight apparently just driving around with his new friends. Which, I have to mention, I have still not met to this day and one of them is for sure female because that night I had seen her pick him up and drop him off.
Tonight is another one of those nights where he may be going out with them again and since it's now almost midnight when he was off work at 10pm, it looks like he is staying out, though I'm sure he had told me before he left he would let me know for sure. At this point all I know is that if after my anger about last week, if he happens to come home at that time again, I'm going to have no choice but to seriously re-consider this entire marriage. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who obviously doesn't care about my feelings.

Selling Stuff · by **Selling Stuff** on Wed May 11, 2011 5:03 am

I'm sorry that you are going through this.
The wondering, the suspicions, the what-ifs....they are the worst.
You want to trust him but something is telling you that things are not right.
I don't know either of you but I say that your instincts are probably correct.
I have been there and it's the most horrible feeling. Now that you are mentioning the female friend and the new behaviours it brings me back. Once the trust is broken it's hard to trust again (anyone).
I hope that's not what is happening but be prepared.
I don't know if talking would work as this might cause him to get angry or to make up stories.
I wish you all the best. Again, I'm sorry that you have to experience this.

ashmel · by **ashmel** on Wed May 11, 2011 6:34 am

Selling Stuff wrote:I'm sorry that you are going through this.
The wondering, the suspicions, the what-ifs....they are the worst.
You want to trust him but something is telling you that things are not right.
I don't know either of you but I say that your instincts are probably correct.
I have been there and it's the most horrible feeling. Now that you are mentioning the female friend and the new behaviours it brings me back. Once the trust is broken it's hard to trust again (anyone).
I hope that's not what is happening but be prepared.
I don't know if talking would work as this might cause him to get angry or to make up stories.
I wish you all the best. Again, I'm sorry that you have to experience this.

Yes, this. I have also been there. :'( Don't let him make you think you're crazy. It sounds like you're most likely correct.

debbiel · by **debbiel** on Wed May 11, 2011 9:21 am

In my experience, that gut feeling is never wrong. Sorry - it sucks I know.

jakersmom · by **jakersmom** on Wed May 11, 2011 6:29 pm

Ugh! I can imagine how much your mind is wandering :-(

It is definately weird that after a long shift until 10 at night, a married man would want to be out until 5:00 am or even midnight. You'd think he'd be exhausted and itching to get home to his warm bed with his wife. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, stay strong in whatever you decide to do! We are all here to listen

jessie_2009 · by **jessie_2009** on Wed May 11, 2011 7:09 pm

I have to disagree with the previous poster that a married man shouldn't want to go out after shift. Yes, of course they should, here and there. Everyone deserves to let loose here and there, even married people. I got out sometimes with friends, and sometimes I don't get home till 3 am or so as we like to go out dancing and we like to stay till late and dance all night. No big deal. Also, one of my friends at work is a guy, we go out here and there and there is nothing going on. That being said, if your gut is something is up, something probably is.

debbiel · by **debbiel** on Thu May 12, 2011 12:50 am

The guy was out till the morning - and I think the wife has every reason to be very suspicious. This is new behaviour, combined with everything else she's said, I think there could very well be something going on. Like I've said before - the intuition is usually right. Every time I've ignored my "inner voice" telling me something I've been wrong to do so. It has never been wrong yet.