Feedback on holding back a December child

JaynaF · by **JaynaF** on Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:36 pm

leanne wrote:
Re-evaluate what it means to "hold back" your child. I think putting them in a situation that they are not socially and academically ready for, is actually holding them back.

i think this would have been the ccase for my son if we had let him continue... it would have been worse.

MizJennaKH · by **MizJennaKH** on Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:06 am

I think it depends on your child?

DS is a Dec baby and he is very intelligent. He actually seems to be bored with the content (so his performance is affected) and his teacher has mentioned how bright he is and how he will do well if he actually applies himself.

So, it's an attitude thing. I'm glad I didn't hold him back as he might be even less challenged.

So I can only guess it's an individual thing.

JaynaF · by **JaynaF** on Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:26 am

That is like our ds. He is really super smart and finds a lot of the work juvenile. But socially he is just right. He wasn't socially ready to move on at the time tho. Acedemicaly yes but not socially.

owensmum · by **owensmum** on Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:47 pm

It depends on the child. My son is also a mid December baby and after alot of debating we decided to hold him back from entering kindergarten for a year. My son was in preschool, so he just did an extra year of preschool. We too had other parents surprised that we would make that decision, but we don't regret our decision to do so. It truly was the best for him, and where he was at that time developmentally. There were a variety of reasons as to why we chose to make that decision. My son is now in grade 4, and we are still happy with our decision. If we didn't hold him back I think there would have been more struggles for him.

You know your child best, and if you feel that he/she would benefit from an extra year then great.

Best of luck with your decision.

RHS · by **RHS** on Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:24 pm

Here is an article on recent research showing that kids with late birthdays (ie. the youngest kids in the class) are significantly more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/new-health/health-news/adhd-diagnosis-more-likely-for-kids-born-later-in-the-year-study/article2358987/

I am not suggesting that holding kids back is the right decision-- every kid is different, as is every kindergarten teacher and class-- but I did think these findings were interesting.

older.mom · by **older.mom** on Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:06 pm

Our dd has an end of December birthday, and we held her back, because she didn't seem ready socially. We had some concerns, because she is big for her age, but it hasn't been as issue. She's in grade 2 now, and doing well socially and academically, so I'm very glad we waited.

TazDevil · by **TazDevil** on Fri Mar 30, 2012 9:51 am

RHS wrote:Here is an article on recent research showing that kids with late birthdays (ie. the youngest kids in the class) are significantly more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/new-health/health-news/adhd-diagnosis-more-likely-for-kids-born-later-in-the-year-study/article2358987/

I am not suggesting that holding kids back is the right decision-- every kid is different, as is every kindergarten teacher and class-- but I did think these findings were interesting.

Read the article though. They are more likely to be MIS-DIAGNOSED with ADHD or their older peers are not being properly diagnosed which just means there is a flaw in how they diagnose it.

ADHD is clearly defined as being as inheritable as height. It is also recognized on a brain scan. It has nothing to do with when they start school or their birthday.

The thing is ADHD can be a huge benefit to the child. All the ADHD people in our family/friends are highly intelligent/gifted. It is processing and organization that are the issues. Once identified and supported, academically they do extremely well. My ADHD child was reading at 3 and is a late birthday starting K at 4 but always top of her class all without meds (yet)

Samandemma · by **Samandemma** on Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:22 am

I did not understand the research that was included above in this thread as in any way implying that starting school at a younger age (for example, starting kindergarten as a 4 year old) would in any way "contribute" or "cause" ADHD.
I think what the research was discussing was that a child who is chronologically younger than the majority of his/her kindergarten peers is more likely to be diagnosed as having ADHD than a child who is chronologically at the typical age for beginning kindergarten (for example fully 5 years of age or older).

Another option for a chronologically young child or a very active child is to consider kindergarten/early primary programmes that encourage and incorporate as a core part of the curriculum, active engagement with the materials, lots of opportunity for kinesthetic learning, and perhaps a "nature kindergarten" type of programme.

Karen Swift Murdoch · by **Karen Swift Murdoch** on Mon Aug 20, 2012 11:14 pm

As a therapeutic tutor I would like to recommend that all parents, particularly parents of boys, please pay attention to your child before you start kindergarten. If your child is ready for school, by all means put them in. Many children are not ready.

Watch for the following signs.

1) Are they social?
2) Were they late with any milestones as a baby? Did they talk late? Count late?
3) Are they showing an interest in reading, writing or numbers?
4) When you look at other children their age, are they immature?
5) Pay attention to your intuition. Are you concerned? Do you have an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach at the thought of sending your child off to school?

My son's grandfather was a high school teacher and one of the early high school counsellors in BC. He felt very strongly that all boys should be held back a year. Their social skills are just not where the girls are and that gives them a considerable disadvantage.

Unfortunately some of his grandsons were self-taught readers at three years old and really excited to go to school. How could we hold them back?

Each child is different but when we push children when they're not ready, or hold them back when they are ready, we can do harm. If they're not ready we can set them up for years of struggling. Let your child determine what is right for them, not by asking them, but by knowing your child well and trusting your instincts.

Best wishes to all of you making this decision. It's a hard one. I struggled a lot when my son was four years old, even with my training and experience.

tracy · by **tracy** on Sun Aug 26, 2012 7:54 am

I have two Dec babies, (now we homeschool so please read this for what it is) one of my girls, the first is "profoundly gifted" and would have done just fine with the ABC's of school, but has Autism - so it would have been hard socially, my youngest has Dyslexia (like her mom) Dysgraphia (again like her mom) and a host of other issues, we would have held her back a year if she went into the public school system, she would have done way better as the oldest, as opposed to the youngest.
As to the size thing - being a boy I think it might be easier to be a super tall kid - I stopped growing at 12 (I am 5'9)and it was rough, I would teased terribly, and was taller than two diffrent male teachers (and many female) in elementary school (no middle school -so left at this hight) it SUCKED! I think kids are taller now, than in the 70's and early 80's but man alive - the person who commented on how it was easier to be tall LOL, was obviously not the tallest (by more than a full head) than any other kid in class for years and years. :oops:

I do not think that is a reason to decide when to put your kid in kindy though, I would base that on social skills, and academics myself :-D

Good luck, hard choices to be made, but remember kids are resilliant, and choices made can be undone as well (like some above have said) nothing is written in stone.