Comments or suggestions with school and child

[cat1]

Hi there
I am hoping that someone might have some ideas on what I should do. My son is in grade 6. He is not getting his work done in class. He also is not writing down his homework in his agenda all the time. He also forgets his books from school on a reqular basis. He has one teacher for most of the time and another teacher 2 times per week. I have asked his teachers if they could email me each day to let me know if his work that day was complete or not complete. Based on this info I would allow or disallow him to use the computer that day. THe one teacher is willing to do this the other teacher still wants him to use his agenda as this will teach him to do his own stuff. Well he has never used his agenda as it should be used. It hasn't worked so far. We have tried different things with no sucess. Also him writing his homework in his agenda does not tell me if he did his work in class that day. I get the whole concept of making him have ownership of the problem however so far we have not gotten anywhere with this. He is on a reward system at school and still his work is not getting done. Any ideas on where to go from here. I am reading a book on how to motivate underacheivers and basically it says to make the problem the childs problem not mine problem. If I don't do anything how will his work get done. What price does he pay? I an kinda of suck here and not sure how to move forward. Any thoughts? Thank you so much for your input. PS he has been tested and he was found to have a learning disability that is called non verbal learning disability. Basically he has a hard time with things that are not verbal such as printing and a few other things.

[Myshkin]

Are you wanting his teacher to email you to tell you if his classwork from that day is complete or not (ie: if it's complete he has no homework)?

I would suggest having your son bring his work home each and every night--complete or not. That way if it's complete he can show you what he did that day and if it isn't you can help make sure his homework is done. You could reward or not based on your son remembering to bring the work home. If it comes home he and you can ensure it gets done. I think that put the onus for completing homework back on your son.

[grinninmama]

Hi Doris,

I teach grade seven and it is really common for kids this age to struggle with organization, particularly kids with learning disabilities. I think the book you read has the right point. You shouldn't be working harder than he is!

Here are a few suggestions that have worked for my students in the past:

1) Have a dedicated, non-negotiable homework time each day for 1/2 to 1 hour no matter what. A quiet space free from distractions is important. The key here is that he reads if he forgets his homework. Reading will help him in school, anyway, and he will be motivated to remember his work since he will know that he has a dedicated time to do it. If that doesn't motivate him to remember his stuff, then at least he will be gaining from the reading, and he'll also benefit from having the routine in place.

2) Consider sending off a weekly email to find out whether he has met all his deadlines. Have a reward ready for him on the weekend if he has, if you like, but I don't recommend you stress about his deadlines on a day-by-day basis.

3) Does he like technology? Some kids will never make use of an agenda, but will be happy to punch things into their iPod's calendar. Sometimes the back of a kid's hand makes a better agenda than anything because its right in front of their face.

4) If your son has an LD designation, he deserves support, which includes support in staying organized. Talk to the learning assistance teacher and principal at your school to find out if they can spare an EA for the last five minutes of the day to help your son make sure that all the right papers and books end up in his bag at the end of the day.

Finally, there's a really good chance that your son is resisting working and meeting his deadlines because he finds school hard and unrewarding. See where in his life he feels successful and try to help him work those components into his school work. A lot of teachers are open to adapting assignments to align with their students' passions. Failing that, just try to make sure he has lots of opportunities to feel successful outside of academics. It will help when he has to approach in-school tasks that he finds tough.

HTH

[Sunnygirl]

Hmmm - I'd be so cautious using school work as a motivating factor for a reward at home. I can see no computer until homework done, but if he has a disability in that he is struggling at school to get things done- do you think a reward late in the day will actually motivate him early in the day? Will it just unmotivate him in that he feels that punishment is related to school work?

I would be more likely to give him basic computer time if homework done and "reward" him an extra amount of time if you get a "great work" email from the teacher or a good quiz mark, etc.

If he is not getting school work done - that should be up to the teachers to motivate unless they request your input on that daily basis (though it's not a perfect world for sure).

[quackers]

My boy is gr5... does not have a LD, but struggled (and still does on occasion) with remembering things in his agenda. (or remembering to bring home jackets, water bottles, notices, pe strip to be washed.)

He has used an agenda since gr4, but it has never been really enforced at all. His teachers really dont mind if they chose to use ot or not. I guess I finally had enough this year of replacing coats, and water bottles and I decided it was time for him to use it. Tired of wondering where his PE strip is, and then when he did bring it home it was so GROSS AND SMELLY!!
I sign his agenda every night. What I expect to see in there is what he has for homework that night, and also the list of what he did in class that day. (the teacher writes on the chalkboard what they are doing that day, I want to see that in his book) If he doesn't have homework, I don't expect to see anything there. Actually it's kind of funny, he writes knock knock jokes in there sometimes..lol I leave him little notes and reminders too. I have to be honest, it was a struggle and a lot of fights at the beginning.... He writes everyday, and like I said it's becoming kind of a neat little communication between us. I have my own family calender/agenda and he copies things from there into his agenda, he took the stickers from my agenda and uses them in his agenda (ah well if it keeps him happy)

I use a reward system, we have used with him since gr3, and it is awesome. His teacher suggested it, and several parents and I have used this with success. I hope it may work out for you. His ds/wii or computer time is by mins...If he forgets books at school that he needs for homework he loses 10 mins. I award him for doing jobs around the house as mins as well. This really works out well. He is allowed to use the ds/wii after his homework is finished, and after his room is tidy. (usually after dinner)

[cat1]

Thank you all sooooooooo much for taking time to help me with this. I know we are all very busy and you have taken time and put thought into an issue for a complete stranger. Thank you again. I will sleep on this and come up with an approach. I sure wish some times that I did have all the answers to problems but that is just not the case in life.

[s5]

my neighbour's bright son struggled in grade 5 - she got him tested and it turned out he had a significant written output LD - very, very bright on everything else - just couldn't write it for love nor money. He could manage it when the output wasn't very great - but it was starting to increase. With accommodations, he became fully engaged in school again.

[knittingmama]

sounds like a typical boy of that age - went through this with all of my kids. We used to talk to his teacher a couple of times a week to get updated on homework so we could make sure our kids brought home the right books and actually got their homework done. It was easier in high school as most of the teachers used 'teacher web' and posted the daily homework on there so we could just log in and find out what had to be done.

[Hope1]

Doris- this is such typical behaviour for boys this age. And at the same time, I understand completely, when you say if you leave him to figure it out, what will the cost be to him (later on). I think it;s a fine balance, because they do need to figure it out, and you don't want the cost to be to great..
Lots of great info here, and ideas to implement!
Grininmama- Thank you for your post! Very informative!

[TazDevil]

It maybe completely off base but have you had him tested for ADHD specifically? My child has ADHD inattentive and there is absolutely no way she can remember to write anything in her agenda. She cannot recount anything she does at school and never has.

We did not go based on school assessment. According to them they had no clue she had it because she is not hyperactive in the least and she is well behaved and never gets in trouble and fakes listening really well.

We had the full assessment done by a psychologist.

As for the strategies we work with the teachers and we work at home. We have the Jump Math books for her she works through AWESOME AWESOME books for Math and very specifically designed for kids who like step by step. You can get them online or through the Teachers shop on Douglas (I think that is where we got them). http://jumpmath1.org/

Now I don't have a Grade 6 boy so it maybe an age thing too.

Oh and we do the Khan Academy - Free tutorials on everything - now being used in many schools. http://www.khanacademy.org/

[cat1]

Thanks again everyone. So very grateful for the input. So far what I have done is I have written friendly notes in his agenda about doing his work in class and bringing home all his books that he needs. So far this week this has worked. Will try and include some of the other suggestions in our lives. This posting has taken a lot of stress off me as I just didn't even know how to move forward.