Problem

vixin · by **vixin** on Mon Apr 09, 2012 1:50 pm

Hi.
I just found out that my fiance cheated on me with my pseudo sister-in-law. They didn't have sex but they did fool around. And not just once but a few times. We're supposed to get married in 3 months. Now I don't see that happening and part of me just wants to shove it all away. But we've been together for 10 years, so we're going to see a counselor.
I guess this is more of a "feel my pain" kind of deal. We're going to try, although part of me doesn't want to.

ecofilly · by **ecofilly** on Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:50 pm

So sorry. Sounds awful!
Do you have kids together I guess?
You deserve much better -respect for starters and a partner who's a companion through and through.
I would recommend you get some solo counseling.
Thinking of you,
Sarah

vixin · by **vixin** on Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:47 pm

We don't have kids.

Shawna C. · by **Shawna C.** on Tue Apr 10, 2012 4:41 pm

I know 10 years is alot of time to invest in a relationship, but someone cheating on you with your sister in law? Yuck. Sounds like a pig - I would get out of there fast, before you DO have kids. There is still time - why on earth would you want to stay with someone who treats you so disrespectfully? Set that bar higher - you are worth it

kapoohhh · by **kapoohhh** on Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:29 am

If it has happened a few times... it could of happened a few times further back with someone else.
I would be saying bye to this man.
Sorry he has hurt you. There is alot of great men out there and he has not shown you any respect in doing this or your sister in law ...

Is she still your sister in law ?? yikes.

MH.Mom · by **MH.Mom** on Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:20 am

Shawna C. wrote:I know 10 years is alot of time to invest in a relationship, but someone cheating on you with your sister in law? Yuck. Sounds like a pig - I would get out of there fast, before you DO have kids. There is still time - why on earth would you want to stay with someone who treats you so disrespectfully? Set that bar higher - you are worth it

Well said. I couldn't agree more, you are worth it. Once kids/marriage is involved it's that much more complicated. If I was in your shoes I'd save any additional money going to be spent on the wedding & move forward. I could never say vows with a man who did that 3 months before our wedding. Hugs, what a !@#$% situation you are in

marty · by **marty** on Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:54 pm

That is awful. Cheating is cheating in my opinion. The trust is broken. I could not forgive it, but that's me. Good luck to you.

Beccak · by **Beccak** on Wed Apr 11, 2012 3:35 pm

marty wrote::cry: That is awful. Cheating is cheating in my opinion. The trust is broken. I could not forgive it, but that's me. Good luck to you.

Exactly!

syla · by **syla** on Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:47 pm

My partner cheated ONCE in his last relationship. I think it was a one time mistake that he took the learnings from it and afterward stayed out of bad situations. The idea that your fiance cheated on you more than once does not seem like just a one time heat of the moment mistake, and it is unfortunate he did not recognize the problem and fix it the first time.

I hear from you that you have lost much trust and that you possibly feel like, due to the length of time you have been together, that you "owe" the relationship to keep moving forward with marriage. You do not owe anything.

This is a moment in your life where you are going to have to be super courageous and follow your deepest feelings in your heart! It may take time and space away from the situation for you to decide what you truly want. Individual counselling will still be beneficial for you whether you stay in the relationship or not. Remember that you will be supported in whatever decision you make.

peanutbuttercup · by **peanutbuttercup** on Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:11 pm

An amazing blog from a women whose husband cheated:

http://www.hisgiantmistake.com/2011/11/21/love-can-lead-you-to-the-truth-entry-1/

SamanthaMV · by **SamanthaMV** on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:33 am

peanutbuttercup wrote:An amazing blog from a women whose husband cheated:

http://www.hisgiantmistake.com/2011/11/21/love-can-lead-you-to-the-truth-entry-1/

WOW! what a brave and inspirational woman.
I was 20 minutes late for work laying in bed reading this this morning!

peanutbuttercup · by **peanutbuttercup** on Thu Apr 12, 2012 2:43 pm

SamanthaMV wrote:WOW! what a brave and inspirational woman.
I was 20 minutes late for work laying in bed reading this this morning!

Sorry about that! She is such a good writer - her blog is very engaging.

Shawna C. · by **Shawna C.** on Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:48 pm

peanutbuttercup wrote:
SamanthaMV wrote:WOW! what a brave and inspirational woman.
I was 20 minutes late for work laying in bed reading this this morning!

Sorry about that! She is such a good writer - her blog is very engaging.

I am reading it, eager to find out what happens next. It's a sad, but well told story...

debbiel · by **debbiel** on Thu Apr 12, 2012 10:46 pm

I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I pretty much agree with the others that you deserve better. What's a psuedo sister-in-law (just curious)? I know psuedo means fake, but I'm not sure I understand it in this context.

StitchedUp · by **StitchedUp** on Fri Apr 13, 2012 4:40 am

OP, if I were in your shoes, I'd have a really hard time ever being able to believe anything this person said to me ever again. He says it happened a few times and didn't progress beyond making out. Maybe that's true, but he's obviously capable of being a deceitful person, so how do you know? "The Genius" in the blog that's been linked to this thread first denied it, then said the affair had been going on for a year, then admitted it had been four years. Of course, he also thought that having an affair but not leaving his wife was "playing by the rules" :roll: