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help with an emotional pre-teen

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help with an emotional pre-teen

Postby kd on Tue May 02, 2006 5:54 am

I really dont know how to help my 9 year old daughter - who is going to lose her best friend if she continues on the same path.

She has always been emotional (so I dont think it is just hormones) - really easy to cry - regardless of how we coach her to handle the situation. Usually when situations change from what she originally expected. Not sure if there is an underlying factor (I am sure there is, but her family life is stable and secure) but it seems that almost daily at school she is getting upset and not able to cope with peer challenges and she ends up in tears during break times. These are not huge challenges... she might be losing the game, or they are not playing her way, and of course the worry is for her teen years, if she is unable to control her emotions. The teacher is aware of this, but mostly just says - hormones - and lets just see what happens - etc.

I feel like I am missing something here.. even as I write.. and I would appreciate a new perspective on this. Thanks for reading :?
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Postby janet_xo3 on Tue May 02, 2006 6:03 am

Ask if the counsellor at school can touch base with her and see how she is. Sometimes kids will talk about things with then that they might not with us.

What kid of extra activities is she is? It might help to get her into guides or another activity with other girls to help with peer relationships. I also found creating a time that is just for one of my children a real help. I try to spend time with them each of the alone, so we can talk etc. It is amazing given the chance what they will share with you.

I hope you find something that works and supports her :D
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Postby kd on Tue May 02, 2006 6:36 am

Thank for the thoughts. I will check on the counsellor...

My dd is in Guides - they cover such a wide range of topics - it's a great program. But you are right on the one on one time - haven't had much of that lately. Was just thinking about arranging time this weekend.

Usually when we do chat, it seems to always be someone elses problem. She cant comprend that her choices are affecting the game. I have tried to get her to do something else instead of play with her friend, but of course she is worried about have her friend forget about her. There is always a reason or excuse... sigh. I know it is valid to her, but she doesn't deal practically, only emotionally (she is only 9, I know).....
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Postby smurfgirl on Tue May 02, 2006 10:40 am

When i was young i was like your daughter highly emotional I would use tears instead of talking I would cry over almost anything. Now as an adult I have a son who is 7 that is just the same with working with him in confidence building has really helped and I know with myself that was also the case I was very insicure and unsure of myself even though most wouldnt have thought so. and as a sensitive person you feel misunderstood when i would cry I wanted reasurance weather from a friend or my parents but instead i got in trouble or people just backed away from me because i was so emotional my son deals with the same problem. I would talk to her find somthing she would really enjoy an outside art class or gymnastics whatever her interest and support her 100% build her confidence so there is somthing she is exta good at this helped me break my shell I enjoyed art so I went to art classes that were above what we did at school and I felt great because I had my own thing Its a long process dealing with a sensitive girl now that i think about it i feel sorry for some of the things i put my parents through but at the time i just felt hugely missunderstood. just listen to her an as silly as her problems may be just validate that yes it is ok to feel sad but its not always appropriate to loose control.
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Postby macloud on Tue May 02, 2006 1:05 pm

The South Island Learning Disability Association is a great resource for these types of situaitons. Here is the link. There is an amazing woman who works there, Debbie, who is very helpful.

Postby kd on Wed May 03, 2006 5:40 am

Thanks for all the comments - I spoke with the teacher yesterday, and she will forward dd to the counsellor. I also searched out some good books for me, and reserved them from the library. Looking forward to reading those.
And we will take some time this weekend - and maybe talk about another activity she would like to do - or maybe spend time working on one she already does!

Perhaps it is just time to let her friendship go - she is having this problem because her good friend has now latched on to another, and it is a three some. I dont hear about problems when she plays with others. It is just hard for both of us, because we are friends with the whole family. But I am sure it will all work out one way or another. :(
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teenage emotions

Postby mmsmom on Wed May 03, 2006 6:42 am

Reading about your daughter, was like reading about ME....then and now....i didnt know it, but i am an HSP...highly sensitive person....i have a book on that...just called that. The Highly Sensitive Person. Educates, gives tools to cope, etc. But remember that that is also a gift: sensitive, compassionate, in touch with feelings (however confusing right now), perceptive.....these are all things that, in time, will make her a better person in the long run. I know it is difficult just to watch her go through son is sensitive, just like me to the 'T'....different with boys, of course, given the 'macho' thing.

Anyways, i will quit blabbering....
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