Do you spank?

[ccc_cat]

So I have relative visiting me from out of country who was very surprised to hear that spanking is "not acceptable" here.

He insists there are times when kids do need a spanking.

So I am wondering how many people do, don't and have spanked.

And I hope everybody feels free to voice their opinion -but not to the point the thread gets deleted

[frasersmama]

I don't spank my dd because I think it sends an inappropriate message. We tell her that hitting is not ok, so why would it be ok to hit her, just because I am bigger and have more power? When we need to correct/discipline her behaviour, ie hitting, doing something unsafe after being warned. she gets a two minute time out in the corner and then we demand an apology, and that's that.

[Ginger Snap]

Well, DS is only 4 months old, so it is not something that we have had to deal with yet. But, it is something we have talked about alot. I don't have an issue with spanking in general, just don't know if I would personally spank. I can have a quick temper, and I just would hate to ever spank while angry. I think that would send the wrong message.

My parents used to spank, and they would never do it on the spur of the moment. They would always send me to my room, tell me to wait there, and come in about 30 minutes later to do the deed. Seriously, the waiting in my room was the punishment, not the few spanks. I always knew the difference between when my parents would spank me, and hitting someone out of anger. I never grew up thinking it was OK to hit, just because I was spanked. It did teach me that when I disobeyed them, they meant business.

These are just my personal experiences with spanking.

But hopefully DS will be an angel and we won't ever have to worry about punishing him... Yeah, right!

[alwaysbusy]

When my children were born I thought of the fact that they would probably be going to daycare when they got older. I chose to use other ways of discipline so that when daycare or school came along they were used of the alternative discipline.

[Annikki]

We do not spank, but we are also armed with many alternatives due to the fields we work in. I feel that spanking doesn't create a learning opportunity. I aim for natural and logical consequences and then time out if needed. I also give lots of choices and work on enpowering our child.

[barb]

I do not spank my children however I wonder sometimes if that is the reason god put extra padding there??!!

I don't think I will ever spank my kids (I never say never anymore since becoming a parent!), because I have alternatives that work very effectively with my oldest. My youngest is a little young yet to completely understand things but he is catching on very quickly.

barb

[Wee~Bea]

I don't, but god sometimes I wish I did...

No, I don't really like the idea of spanking. My parents were big time spankers and I was acctually pretty scared of my parents growing up.
Now, my kids, on the other hand...sigh, are NOT scared of me. My oldest and youngest listen pretty good, and it is really easy to explain things to them - and they are both pretty good natured. My middle child, how typical really, is "spirited" to say the least and she does not listen at all. I have been around children my whole life, and I tell you I never felt angry or frusterated before (I have a really really high patience level normally) but my "wee~bea" (who my post name is so affectionatly drawn from) takes me to the point of insanity. I have never felt an urge to spank until her. I acctually tried spanking her, and she kicked me in the jaw (and spun my head). Has anyone else had a "wild child"? What do you do to get them to listen?

[alwaysbusy]

Oh I can relate!! I wouldn't call my child a wild child... However she has a very different personality than my son. I could give a choice of Milk or water and my son would choose. My daughter would say " I want juice".
That is when I found out my daughter is very stubborn. I have learned to give her lots of choices. If she insists on her own choice I continue to tell her her choices once again. If she continues crying or demanding her choice I put her in timeout. Both my children do not like timeout. Overall they listen pretty good. My daughter even surprises me and cleans up all her toys in the playroom. Every once in a while she will test me.

[madmeg]

I do believe it is appropriate sometimes. When I have done it, it has been no more than three spanks to the backside. And I try to always ask myself, does this occasion fit our guidelines, or have I had enough/run out of options. If it is the latter, I take a time out.

My guidelines are if she is doing something dangerous to herself or her sister, and she is not listening/controllable. The spank is essentially to catch her attention/reinforce the seriousness.

For those that so spank, and who have not read the disciple section of "Toddlers Best Steps" (I got it from my doctor), I recommend you get it and take a read.

[MELANIE]

I dont spank....for me i feel it shows the child to hit.. and makes them feel low...i choose.. talking at eye level.. and making sense so my son understands..
whatever i have done works.. my oldest is 11.. and yes he has pre teen moodiness but what a great kid he is..

[Wee~Bea]

I think kids hit anyways. I mean we don't spank and our middle child is a slugger/slapper/kicker/biter. I think it is a human instinct to hit, and in our animal nature. However as human adult we have (hopefully)developed reasoning, empathy and the ability to use our words instead of our fists. I get down and talk eye level with my middle child, and she could care less. I think there are different parenting styles & solutions for everyone, and every child is so unique in temperment you cannot really come up with one method for parenting. When I watched Nanny McPhee, I was like damn sprinkle a few more kids in there and you have our house...I need a Nanny McPhee!!!

I don't think spanking a child makes them more prone to violence, if anything I think it makes them more vulnerable to abuse. My parents were still using "spanking" (more like slapping/punching or the dreaded spoon) until I was 18 and moved out - then I allowed my husband at the time to do it because, heh - it's "normal". But having been a "spanked" child, I am LESS prone to be violent. I am sure some go on to be the "spankees" however.

I just don't spank because it doesn't feel right with me, and I feel it comes out of anger (like our fight or flight is triggered - because my anxiety is sky high when my Bea goes banannas) rather than a solid method of "dicipline".
I rambled all over the place with this post - hope it makes sense.

[Harmony]

[leemom]

I can relate to you Wea Bea, I've got a "spirirted child" to. Man can he test my patience, Nothing is ever easy or simple with him, if he had been my first he'd be an only child. As tempting as its been I haven't spanked, but now that he's 3 and can better understand consiquences I've found taking things away, like favorite toy, no T.V, etc works best. Timeouts never worked, if I could get him to stay in them at all

[Max]

I want to say I don't, but I have. Generally it's timeouts or natural consequences, but on occasion I have issued a short, quick swat on the butt. And it's whenever they are going to seriously hurt themselves, or their brother or sister, and I've already warned them a few times. It's more of a 'smarten up' reminder, than a punishment. I would say my boys have probably each had a swat maybe 2-3 times in almost 4 years, and are probably in a timeout at least once a day.

[QT]

I don't- my ds is 3 now, and is stubborn..... but, also sensative.
If I have to get a message across, my intent toward him is firm,
and that is something he understands.
Some behaviour is simply non-negotiable.
So is my respect for his physical self.
Having me be angry about hazardous behaviour is enough.
He understands- it just takes patience and time to communicate.

However, Max, I agee that a 'reminder' is acceptable as a last resort-
I won't rule it out if I have to prevent a serious hazard.